10 Ways To Know If You’re a Child of the 80′s

I was born in the 1970′s but consider myself more a child of the 80′s, a decade which produced more fads than any before it, and likely any to come. It was the decade that killed disco, created the leg warmer, the video game console, and made california raisins singing Marvin Gaye the hottest commercial on TV. Needless to say, I have a slightly skewed concept of what cool is.  That’s why I know there will come a day when my daughter realizes I’m not as cool a dad as I think myself to be.  It’s inevitable really, and will eventually happen to all us parents, but for children of the 80′s it’s a particular shock, because we were all about cool.

Some people born in the 70′s, but spending their formative years in the 80′s, still consider themselves children of the 70′s.  I believe these people are just confused, because who could experience the coolness of the 80′s and not consider themselves a product of that time?  So, to clear the air and help people determine exactly where they belong, I put together this list of 10 ways to know if you’re a chid of the 80′s.

To be fair, I included items for both men and women, and if you can relate to at least five of the 10 items on the list, you are, in fact, a child of the 80′s. I double dog dare you to take the test!

You are a child of the 80′s if:

1. You had a picture of Kirk Cameron hanging in your locker

Growing pains was one of the most popular shows on TV and pictures of Mike Seaver, played by Kirk Cameron showed up pasted in notebooks and taped in lockers all over america.  Girls loved him and guys wanted to be him, mostly because girls loved him. He’s the reason I started wearing the kids version of the members only jacket.

2. You watched MTV all day, even though they played the same four videos over and over

From the first moment I saw the space man land on the moon and claim it in the name of MTV I was hooked, and I didn’t care that the only videos running were Video killed the radio star by the Buggles, Keep on Loving You by REO Speedwagon, and In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins.  Later, I would think Prince was cool, Duran Duran was cooler, and Van Halen was the pinnacle of coolness.

3. Your family turned in their rotary phone for one with that new fangled Dial Tone

I don’t know the science behind the dial tone, but I remember the phone got smaller and I didn’t need to wait for the clicking sound after spinning each number.  I also remembered being upset that our phone no longer looked like the bat phone.

 

4. You watched Knight Rider…and thought David Hasselhoff was Cool

I tried to make all my firebird matchbox cars to look like the Knight Rider “Kit Car” by painting a red stripe on the front, but somehow it was never the same.  Still Michael Knight was the coolest character on TV. As a side note, you know you’re a child of the 90′s if you think the Hoff from Baywatch is a cheese ball.

5. You played with Transformers or My Little Ponies

Every guy knew that transformers were cooler than Go-bots, and most girls had the entire rainbow set of my little ponies.  If you had both, you’re probably still confused.

 

6. You wore hypercolor t-shirts, MC Hammer pants, or Guess Jeans

Before Hammer was too legit to quit you couldn’t touch him, but before that you could feel his power as he turned this mutha out! That’s why you wore his crazy baggy pants with the cool hypercolor tshirts that change colors when someone puts their hand on it, a product clearly conceived and developed by a pervert.

Girls however, worse slap bracelets and tight fitting Guess jeans, which would drive us men wild.  The tighter the better, and if could actually get the zipper all the way up, then they were too loose.

7. You owned Roller Skates not Roller Blades or had a Banana seat on your bike

Roller blades didn’t exist yet, so if you hit the roller rink chances are you cruised around on roller skates. If so, you probably remember that guy, the rink ringer, who could skate backwards and looked like a human rubber band with an afro.

Outside the rink you cruised around on two wheels, and that bicycle likely had a banana seat.  Unfortunately, there was no way to look cool on a bike with a banana seat, but you could fit two people without pegs, and that made riding to the local movie theater with your girlfriend all the more fun.

8. You owned Intellivision, Atari, ColecoVision, and Apple IIC, Radio Shack Tandy, or TRS 80

If you know what any of the above things are you can definitely be counted as a child of the 80′s.  These are the early video game systems and personal computers.  It’s funny though, because Pong took on two meanings throughout our lives. It started out as a video game, but later became a drinking game. Oh well.

9. You owned a Boom Box or a breakdancing mat

If you count Breakin’ or Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo in your top ten list of movies then you are definitely a child of the 80′s. Chances are, you also carried around a boom box and could successfully complete a headspin on a piece of cardboard you laid out on the front yard.

 

10. You thought Charlie Sheen was cool

Yes, if you thought Charlie Sheen was cool, you are probably a child of the 80′s.  You see, back then, Charlie was one of the most successful actors on the silver screen.  His string of hits in the 80′s was unrivaled by most actors of the time, even Tom Cruise. Charlie starred in the blockbusters Major League, Eight men out, Young Guns, Wall Street, Platoon, Ferris Buellers Day off, and Red Dawn.

Before he seduces Jennifer Grey in Ferris Bueller, he delivers the classic line, “My sister wears too much eye makeup, people think she’s a whore.” Oh Charlie, what has become of you now?

If you can identify with only four of the ten, or less, don’t worry, we still love you. I know there are a bunch more, but only so much space to write about them.

But, here’s your chance: post a comment below and share with everyone some cool stuff you remember from the 80′s!

Image: seaskylab / FreeDigitalPhotos.net