Raising a child takes patience, and alot of hands. How many times have you exclaimed in frustration “I’m only one person,” or “I only have two hands” when trying to complete even the most basic tasks like changing a diaper, or holding all the gear at the park while trying to make sure your kid doesn’t run off into traffic?
As parents, we’re rarely equipped with the tools needed to get the job done, let alone get it done well. That is… until now. Meet The Third Hand, our fourth installment of Baby Products that Don’t Exist, But Should.
The Third Hand is molded from synthetic rubber polymers and feels exactly like the real thing. The fingers can also be bent into several shapes including:
Kung Fu Grip
For holding your child in a secure position and fighting off other parents at the mall during the holidays. The Kung Fu Grip Third Hand can also be thrown at would-be attackers, rabid dogs, or used to break through 10 layers of stacked balsa wood.
Married Hand
A guy walking a cute dog on the beach will get a few looks from the ladies. A guy taking a cute baby to play in the park is an outright chick magnet. The Married Hand is for guys who are tired of being hit on by all those hot moms. It features a shiny platinum wedding ring which screams “Back off, I’m taken.” Or does it?
The Third Hand comes in a variety of colors to match almost any skin tone including:
- Mickey Mouse White
- Vader Black
- George Hamilton Burnt Sienna
- Violet Beauregarde Blue
- Ferrari Red
Optional Upgrades
You can purchase two additional upgrades to extend the functionality of The Third Hand.
Stainless Steel Spring
The rugged stainless steel spring can be attached to your belt, and snaps into action only when needed. In this way, The Third Hand can be hidden under a trenchcoat (ala Data from Goonies), or tucked neatly into your trousers (note: The Third Hand is considered a concealed weapon in the State of Texas).
Vibrating Attachment
The vibrating attachment was designed so you can stir pasta in a pot of boiling water while your other hands are busy holding your screaming child. A few female consumers have reported additional uses for this attachment, but employing the Third Hand in a manner other than intended can void the lifetime warranty.
Get a grip on your kids with The Third Hand. Order now, operators are standing by.
Try the entire line of Baby Products that Don’t Exist, But Should:
#1 – The Diaper Containment Unit
#2 – Dad’s Changing Table Utility Belt
#3 – The Around Towner
