My daughter will turn 1 year old in just a few weeks, and we’re trying to come up with some good birthday party ideas. It always cracks me up when I read about extravagant birthday parties that go way over the top like:
- people who invite a few hundred of their “closest” friends
- anything with miniature safari animals
- appearances by once glorious rock bands which are now just small lounge acts (Poison, Go-Go’s, Duran Duran)
In an effort to plan our baby’s first birthday party I threw out an invitation on Twitter for people to come up with some interesting ideas. What we received back was not helpful at all. In fact, I’m pretty sure if we went forward with any of the ideas we’d either be arrested or permanently featured on the America’s Most Wanted Bad Parents List (Yes, there’s a list for that. Well, kind of.)
However, our loss is your gain, because those ideas were actually pretty funny, and makeup a new series of posts here at Daddy by Default, lovingly titled: Bad Birthday Party Ideas.
Bad Birthday Party Ideas #1: Baby Racing
Butt nekkid babies are more aerodynamic!
This is like a frog or snail race meets bumper bowling, where a track of straight chutes is constructed with a prize at the end for the first one to the finish line. This can also be done at the local high school track, if you’re looking to save a few bucks.
To discourage the babies from straying off path, and to speed their crawl, the favorite parent of the baby stands at the opposite end of the track calling the baby’s name in a ridiculous high-pitched, goo-goo voice.
There is also a psychological element to this race, as competing parents are allowed to stand aside the lane, hurling insults at the opponent child and his parents.
Shouting matches and fist fights are unavoidable, resulting in numerous broken friendships, but the winning couple will be stronger than ever, and the winning baby earns a truly interesting entry for her personal statement on college entrance questionnaires.
If you’ve got a Bad Birthday Party Idea, please shout it out in the comments section.
Or, checkout our other less than serious posts in the Humor Section.
Thanks to @cinematicmethod for the inspiration from the tweeter. Images: Sura Nualpradid / FreeDigitalPhotos.net Image: Clare Bloomfield / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
